


Those beautiful, useless words.

by Yui_Miyamoto



Category: Finder no Hyouteki | Finder Series
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cross-Posted on LiveJournal, M/M, Non-Explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:20:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29210265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yui_Miyamoto/pseuds/Yui_Miyamoto
Summary: Short ficlet of that one night between Mikhail and Fei Long.
Relationships: Mikhail Arbatov/Liu Fei Long
Comments: 8
Kudos: 17





	Those beautiful, useless words.

**Disclaimer: Viewfinder belongs to the gorgeous Yamane Ayano-sensei. This is just love and appreciation for a work close to my heart…**

In some other time or place,  
maybe we would have met  
and have been together,  
  
but one thread of one world  
leads to another,  
  
And I have to wonder why  
You longingly,  
desperately,  
  
want to hold onto mine  
  
when I’ve clearly let go  
of every single one  
connected to  
  
“me.”

  
 **  
Those beautiful, useless words.  
By miyamoto yui**  
  
  
There is a price for everything.  
I never question why that is. I just do.  
  
There is no point in delving into the past or into the future, for I know that I’ll be gone soon.  
  
Watching one’s breath seems mundane, but you keep watching so carefully as I sit on your lap, biting my neck as if you couldn’t get enough of the scent of the meat.  
But I am not your prey, Mikhail. There are a thousand secrets I have yet to unveil. Not one person who has known me could even get past ten.  
  
Not Tao. Or Yoh.  
Nor Asami.  
  
Not even the open-hearted Akihito.  
  
But as you place your index finger in my mouth, I can only wince in pain. I do not even know how to weep. I don’t know what you find so intriguing about this body. It is just a body, a commodity to get from one transaction to another. There is no meaning…  
  
…because once I start to attach one, the strings start to twine in their involuted fashions, weaving into something sinisterly gorgeous in its radiance.   
  
I can’t afford to give any part of myself. That recklessness will cost too much…  
  
Then, you just watch me as my chest heaves back and forth, my heart beating out of proportion to the coldness I’ve tried to stifle deep inside me. I don’t want it to release itself because once it flows, I’ll lose all reason. I can’t keep myself intact.  
No one else can save me but myself.  
  
I’ve known that for a long time now.  
  
You grow a little jealous over god knows what, as I give a sideways glance.  
Moving your hips underneath while holding my wrists, I bite my lower lip until its raw.   
  
I wonder why you think I’m valuable, but your gaze never wavers, as if I’ll disappear if you’re not watching. Even if you’re already inside me…  
  
Is it because I’ve fled you from you many times before?  
  
Suddenly, you push me onto my back, your hands touching my elbows. I refuse to hold onto you for support, the thin sheets not enough to block my nails digging imprints into the skin of my palms.  
  
When you look down at me, you lick my stomach up to my sternum, but I suddenly convulse upwards, my stomach wanting to feel your tongue again, and you put your hand on the small of my back while kissing my ear. You don’t whisper anything as some would want to do at a time like this.  
  
Those beautiful, useless words I never could grasp.  
  
But when you reach out your hand to touch my cheek, and through my hair, sifting through the long strands, you kiss the ends. Blinking at you, I have to wonder why you would pay such a high price for someone like me? I hold many things within my grasps, but they are not me. They do not belong to me and they are not truly mine.  
  
I am just the connector that holds everything together.  
  
Other than that, I have no value.  
  
When you look into my eyes though, I understand why I’ve been slipping through. Why I run through all the crevices and escape while you’re still holding yourself out to corner me into these elaborate trappings of yours and my own device.   
It’s the same expression Yoh has had in all these years he’s served me…  
  
You don’t want to really possess me because you don’t care for yourself too.  
  
And you’ve succumbed to that…  
I have no words towards someone of my own reflection.  
  
Even now, as I turn my cheek, you hold my chin, fingers pressing my jaw to keep my eyes from looking elsewhere, to focus on you. And only You.  
Not the immediate future or the mess of the past. Now.   
  
Now before my mind wanders to Akihito…  
  
Asami…  
Yoh.  
And my last hold on this reality…  
  
Tao.  
  
You don’t try to kiss me. Nor seduce me.  
You’re waiting for my permission.  
  
And I almost have to smirk at the gentlemanly gesture.  
  
I let go of the sheets and finally reach out to your upper arms, going up your slick shoulders and pulling the blades towards me. Giving me a shocked look, your pace quickens and I close my eyes tightly. “AH!”  
  
I know you won’t let me go until you’ve had your fill.  
And that’s fine.  
  
For this translucent moment,  
I’ll make you believe in  
Every ruble you paid  
  
to keep me here,  
  
pretending I was yours.  
  
While your smell mixes into mine indistinctly,  
I think the thing that makes my heart quiver  
as I cry out  
  
is that for a second…  
  
I understood it  
To all be true.  
  
 **Owari.**


End file.
